Is Liking a Co-Worker’s Photo on Social Media Microcheating? Here’s What You Need to Know

In today’s digital age, the boundaries of relationships are constantly shifting. From liking a co-worker’s photo to sending them direct messages or checking in on Slack more often than before, interactions like these may seem harmless. But for some, they may cross the line into something more problematic, microcheating.

While pushing the boundaries of what’s considered acceptable in a relationship isn’t new, it’s becoming more common with the rise of remote work. According to therapist William Schroeder, who owns Just Mind Counseling centers in Austin, Texas, “People are having more digital relationships, and it kind of creates more space for that. In a work-from-home environment, it can happen even easier because it’s real low risk.”

What Exactly is Social Media Microcheating?

Microcheating is a term coined by Australian psychologist Melanie Schilling, referring to behaviors that don’t necessarily involve a physical or emotional relationship but could be seen as emotional infidelity. This might include actions that you wouldn’t openly share with your partner, like secret social media chats, lingering too long at the office water cooler with a co-worker, or even dressing up just to impress someone.

Abby Medcalf, a psychologist from Berkeley, California, and host of the “Relationships Made Easy” podcast, notes that in recent years, most of her patients’ experiences with microcheating involve texting or social media interactions. And as technology continues to play a bigger role in our lives, the lines can become blurry.

So, What’s the Big Deal?

For some, liking a photo or sending a quick message might seem like no big deal. However, for others, these small gestures can erode trust or create feelings of discomfort. “It comes down to preferences,” says Medcalf. “There isn’t a right or wrong in relationships.” Even if your partner hasn’t directly mentioned that certain actions bother them, it can still be a problem if those actions take attention away from the primary relationship.

The real issue arises when actions are kept secret or when one partner doesn’t feel comfortable with the other’s behavior. Medcalf advises that “It’s cheating if your partner doesn’t like it, or doesn’t know about it, or wouldn’t like it if they knew about it.”

How Should Couples Handle It?

Every relationship has boundaries, and some are explicitly discussed while others are implied. The gray area is growing, especially as people meet on dating apps or form relationships in the digital world. Schroeder emphasizes that it’s important for couples to have these conversations early, ideally before a problem arises.

For instance, if you’ve met someone on a dating app and want to be exclusive, it’s essential to define what exclusivity means, whether that involves deactivating your dating profile or limiting interactions on social media. Having open discussions about what’s acceptable can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts later on.

If you notice changes in your partner’s behavior, like them becoming secretive with their phone or engaging more frequently with social media, it might be time for a conversation. But instead of jumping to conclusions or sounding accusatory, Schroeder recommends approaching the situation with curiosity. Simply mentioning that you’ve noticed a change in behavior and expressing your concerns can lead to a more constructive dialogue.

Why Does Microcheating Happen?

Microcheating often occurs because people are seeking the excitement or spark of a new relationship. While many who engage in microcheating don’t cross physical or emotional lines, it’s important to reflect on your actions and recognize when you might be stepping over boundaries.

But just because it happens doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed.

According to Schroeder, microcheating can sometimes serve as a catalyst for deeper understanding and growth. “It can be this crisis to rebuild,” he says. “Sometimes, when these little microcheating examples come up, it can be really helpful to understand, ‘Alright, why is this coming up for me?’”

In relationships, communication is key. If you’re unsure about where the line is or what might make your partner uncomfortable, having an open conversation can help clarify expectations and maintain a strong, trusting connection. After all, it’s not about right or wrong, it’s about respect, trust, and understanding each other’s boundaries.